Unraveling Linearity: Embracing Pleasure Beyond Conventional Heteronormative Scripts
In the intricate dance of intimacy, society often prescribes an easy-to follow, safe, and linear narrative. A script where steps are meticulously choreographed, and moments follow a predictable rhythm. The story begins to unravel the moment that our bodies do the unspeakable– they behave in organic, unpredictable, and spontaneous ways.
In the face of:
Performance anxiety (male and female)
Body Image issues during intimacy
Boredom and lack of excitement in the bedroom
We can allow for the meaning of sex to venture outside of the heteronormative, boring, predictable, and limited ol’ penis-in-vagina (PIV) after 5-10 minutes of “foreplay”, ending with an (often unsatisfying) conclusion to what feels like an incomplete and thin narrative arch.
This doesn’t have to be our story.
When we embrace a wider definition of sex that expands beyond the same old script we were given as hetero males and females, we find what gender nonconforming folks have been grappling with since the dawn of time…
The story of your pleasure was never meant to be written by someone else.
This is a book best made by you, yourself, your vibrator, and your favorite (pH appropriate) oil.
It may feel like good news to the female bodied people out there, to hear that we have nothing but a possibility-filled blank page to play with after we toss the double sided blade of the aggression-based, feeling-less layers of masculinity we’ve come to expect from our partners in sex. The empowerment we gain from being rid of the helpless, still, and opinionless female lying in bed waiting for something unsatisfying to happen to her is so incredibly worth the harder work we must then do to find what pleasure actually looks like for us.
When we allow these outdated, harmful, and pleasure-squashing pieces to fall away, we can rediscover the limitless intricacies of our female bodies again, loving their complexity and taking full advantage of the variety of pleasures our bodies were literally created to feel.
To the male bodied people, I hope it comes as a relief to learn that the script to perform as an instantly-hard, always ready, easy and simple to please man can (and should, in my opinion), be broken. Your pleasure, my dears, is actually just as varied and dynamic as ours. I am convinced that the reason so many men suffer with ED is simply because what we are calling a “dysfunction” is simply the male body responding as non-linearly as the female body does to sex.
None of us were made to be machines.
Embrace the awkwardness that comes with novelty, with the unexpected, with complete acceptance of your body as it is here and now.
Find your unique pleasure narrative.
My free guide, Harmonious Desires: 4 essential practices to finding harmony in your intimate relationship is a great place to start.
